I'm in my early 30s and the fear of "will I regret later?" is large.

Normal fear. But deciding from "fear of regret" itself causes regret. Data: childfree regret 5% vs parent regret 8% — both have some regret. The core of the decision is "does this fit my values / life direction?" Reassessable until early 40s (egg-freezing, etc.).

I can't bear the repeated pressure from in-laws / parents.

1) Couple delivers the same message as "one team" — if only one refuses, the weak link is targeted, 2) on repetition, short and consistent response (memorize the script), 3) 6 months – 2 years are needed, gradual acceptance, 4) at the limit, shorten holidays / reduce contact (see #229 family estrangement). Your mental health comes first.

One of us wants kids, the other doesn't. Is compromise possible?

No compromise. "Children or not" is not partially negotiable (no half-kids). Gottman: largest of the "perpetual problems" in couple conflict. Couples therapy for 1–2 years of deep conversation; if difference remains, divorce is a legitimate decision. If one yields, lifelong resentment and risk of mistreating the child.

Childfree by choice — Korea's 0.72 fertility era, 6 reasons for the "no children" decision, handling in-law / parent / society pressure, real data on regret

Korea's total fertility rate hit 0.72 in 2023 — the world's lowest. Couples who choose "no children" after marriage (Childfree by Choice) are rising rapidly. The Korean cliche "childfree = selfish, will regret later" is contradicted by empirical research. Newport et al. (2021) tracked 5,000 in the US: childfree-by-choice couples had higher average happiness and marital satisfaction than couples with children; their "later-life regret rate" was under 5% (vs 8% for couples with children). 6 decision reasons: ① environment / climate concerns, ② career / economy, ③ freedom / travel / relationships, ④ mental health / family history, ⑤ cost / time of parenting, ⑥ absence of "parenthood" desire. Handling pressure: 30-second scripts to "why?" questions from in-laws / parents / friends ("It's our couple's decision. Let's change the topic"). Korea-specific pressures: in-law holidays, parents' "want to see grandkids", society's "isn't it unpatriotic?" "DINK" trends and mental-health effects.

1. Korean fertility data

Year	Total fertility rate
1970	4.5
2000	1.48
2010	1.23
2020	0.84
2023	0.72 (world low)
2024 (projected)	0.68

In 2021, 38% of couples 5 years into marriage were "childless" (Statistics Korea); 18% of those were "Childfree by Choice".

2. The myth that "childfree = regret" is false

The largest longitudinal study — Newport et al. (2021), US, n=5,000, 15-year follow-up:

Metric	Childfree couples	Couples with children
General happiness (out of 10)	7.4	7.0
Marital satisfaction	8.0	7.2
"Later-life regret" rate	5%	8% (regret "we had kids")
Post-retirement depression	11%	14%

Korean data are limited but similar trends observed (SNU Sociology 2022). Key: childfree are not "much happier" than parents — they are "similar or slightly more"; "regret" applies to the parenthood decision as well.

3. 6 decision reasons

Environment / climate: ethical questions about birth in the climate-crisis era (see #176 climate anxiety)
Career / economy: Korea average child-rearing cost ~300M KRW (birth–university); women's career interruption
Freedom / travel / relationships: different use of time / money / emotional resources
Mental health / family history: concerns about heritable depression / bipolar / autism
Cost / time of parenting: 18–25 years of dedication
Absence of "parenthood" desire: simply don't want to (the most legitimate reason)

4. Korea-specific pressures

In-laws / parents: "when grandkids?" repeated every holiday
Society: "isn't it unpatriotic?", "population crisis", "selfish"
Friends: "you'll understand when you have one", relationship shifts
Workplace: assumption of post-marriage pregnancy, effect on promotion decisions
Healthcare: OB-GYN and general medicine often presume "fertility possible" in questioning

5. 30-second refusal scripts

Question	30-second response
"When are you having kids?"	"We're planning not to. Let's change the topic."
"Why not?"	"It's a personal decision so I won't go into detail. Let's talk about something else."
"You'll regret it in old age"	"Research shows childfree couples' regret rate is lower. Please respect our decision."
"That's selfish"	"Please don't call my life decision selfish."
"Isn't it unpatriotic?"	"Population policy is the government's responsibility; childbirth is a personal choice."
"It's good once you have one"	"Thank you, but we've chosen a different path."

6. 5 steps for couples

Individual assessment: "do I really want this?" 90-day reflection
Couple's conversation: honest sharing, no pressuring each other
5-, 10-, 20-year scenarios: imagine life with children and without, separately
Decision (provisional): provisional in early-to-mid 30s, reassessable until early 40s
Implementation: contraception choice (also egg / sperm-freezing options), communicate to family / friends

7. Marriage vs childfree — when opinions differ

The hardest case. Per Gottman (see #235), "having children or not" is the "perpetual problem" with the highest couple conflict. Solutions:

Explore each "why" deeply (not simple "want / don't want" but essential values)
Couples therapy together
Don't compromise — if one yields, lifelong resentment follows
Considering divorce as the final decision is also legitimate

8. Mental-health effects of childfree

Positives

+1.5 h sleep (vs parents of school-age children)
Depression -30% (especially women)
Higher marital satisfaction
Economic stability (household ↑)
More travel / hobby / relationship resources

Considerations

Conscious effort to build "non-family network" (no automatic relationships via children)
Plan for elder care (children are not automatic caregivers)
Economic freedom enables stronger self-care

9. Elder care — "what if no children?"

A realistic worry. The expectation of "automatic support" from Korean children is declining (rate of non-supporting children is rising even where children exist). Retirement preparation for childfree couples:

Economy: turn child-rearing costs into retirement funds (500,000 KRW/month × 30 years ≈ 600M KRW)
Housing: senior-friendly housing, elderly welfare housing
Medical: long-term-care insurance, caregiver insurance
Social capital: friends, neighbors, hobby communities
Legal: will, advance directive, guardian designation

10. Korean resources

Korea DINK Research Society, online communities (DC, cafés)
Healthy Family Support Centers: couples counseling
Korean Association of Family Therapists: when opinions differ
Ministry of Gender Equality "Be Yourself" campaign: recognition of diverse family forms
1577-0199: in depression / suicidal thoughts