1. 50 years of attachment theory (Bowlby to now)
John Bowlby (British psychiatrist) published "Attachment" in 1969 and defined attachment as an evolutionary, biological need. Mary Ainsworth's "Strange Situation" (1978) established 4 child attachment types. Hazan & Shaver (1987, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) found the same 4 types in adult romantic relationships.
2. The 4 adult attachment styles
① Secure — 55% of population
- Comfortable with both intimacy and autonomy
- Trusts the partner, asks for help when needed
- Strong conflict-resolution ability
- Fast recovery from breakup / heartbreak
② Anxious-Preoccupied — 20%
- Strong fear of abandonment
- "Idealizing / clinging" to partner
- If reply is late, "is he angry? leaving?"
- Self-worth depends on the partner
- Conflict explosions (Protest Behavior)
③ Dismissive-Avoidant — 20%
- Uncomfortable with intimacy, emphasizes "independence"
- No emotional expression, "I prefer to be alone"
- After relationship starts, "feels suffocating" → distance
- Partner's needs perceived as "burden"
- Surface reaction "good riddance" after breakup
④ Fearful-Avoidant — 5%
- Wants intimacy but fears it
- Avoids closeness, clings when distant
- Often has childhood abuse / trauma history
- Comorbid CPTSD #221 possible
- The most difficult style — needs professional therapy
3. ECR-R self-test
Experiences in Close Relationships – Revised (Fraley 2000), 36 items. Anxious / avoidant dimension scores classify into 4 types. Free at yourpersonality.net.
| Style | Anxious | Avoidant |
|---|---|---|
| Secure | Low | Low |
| Anxious | High | Low |
| Avoidant | Low | High |
| Fearful | High | High |
4. Korean data
SNU Psychology 2018 (n=1,500):
- Secure 45% (Western 55%)
- Avoidant 25% (Western 20%)
- Anxious 20%
- Fearful 10% (Western 5%)
Estimated causes of higher Korean avoidant / fearful: 1) culture of suppressing emotional expression, 2) parental workaholism and emotional absence, 3) authoritarian parenting, 4) comorbid CPTSD (domestic violence, emotional abuse).
5. Clinical impact
| Metric | Secure | Non-secure |
|---|---|---|
| Depression risk | baseline | ×2–3 |
| Anxiety disorders | baseline | ×2.5 |
| Divorce rate | baseline | ×1.7 |
| Marital satisfaction | High | Low |
| Work satisfaction | High | Low |
6. "Earned Secure"
Key reassurance: even with insecure childhood attachment, change to "secure" is possible in adulthood. Hesse & Main (2000) longitudinal:
- 30% transition to "earned secure" via therapy / secure partner / self-understanding
- People who "consciously integrated" their childhood experience
- Can pass secure attachment to their own children
7. Recovery strategies by style
Anxious
- Recognize abandonment fear = childhood learning
- Respond after "30-min self-soothing" if partner is slow to reply
- Recognize and stop your "protest behavior" (explosions, checking sprees)
- Diversify self-worth across multiple friends / relationships
- CBT, EFT
Avoidant
- Recognize the "independence is superior" myth
- Daily recognize and share one of your emotions with the partner
- See partner's needs not as "burden" but as "connection opportunity"
- When distancing urges hit, "stay 30 more minutes"
- EMDR, depth psychotherapy
Fearful
- CPTSD evaluation #221 first
- Stabilization → trauma processing → relationships
- Professional therapy essential (no self-therapy)
- Choose one safe partner (not another fearful partner)
8. EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy)
Sue Johnson's (Canadian psychologist) couples therapy. Developed in the 1990s. Treats couple conflict as expression of "attachment injury". 9-step protocol, 12–20 sessions average. Effect: highest efficacy among couples therapies (RCTs show 70%+ improvement). Korean EFT Association certifies 100+ therapists.
9. Building child secure attachment
- Consistency: same response to same behavior
- Sensitive response: notice and respond quickly to child's signals (cry, expression)
- "Safe base" + "safe haven": welcome both exploration and return
- Not perfect parent — "good enough parent" (Winnicott)
- Recognize your own childhood (pass on "what you received")
10. Korean resources
- Korean EFT Association: certified couples-therapist list
- "Hold Me Tight" (Sue Johnson, Korean edition)
- "Attached" (Levine & Heller, Korean edition) — dating / relationship application
- University-hospital psychiatry and couples-therapy specialty centers
- Healthy Family Support Centers couples counseling
